So, this is 36?

       So, this day last year, I wrote a blog post to reflect upon the past 35 years. Figured I would do the same, to reflect upon the last year, and a glimpse at what the future might bring. I still can’t believe that I am 36 years old as of today. Where has the time gone? Sure, about half of it was spent drooling and throwing up…all part of recovery ;-)

       Since this time last year, I have left a job that I had worked up to management assistant. Although it had potential, it also had become a very unsafe work environment, as clients were continually escalated, damaging property and ending up in jail. Oh, and one had made credible death threats against me, prompting the client’s counselor to make appropriate notifications. It’s good that the Tarasoff safety measures were employed, but uncomfortable at the same time, as my boss had kept me on, working at the house for 40 hours a week, even after that threat. Awesome (extreme sarcasm).

       I was able to save up a decent amount from that job, and combined with my military benefits I realized that I didn’t have to work until at least September. While I did go on a few interviews, and even received a couple of job offers, none of them felt “right.”

       Then I figured out why they didn’t feel “right.” With the support (and some prodding) of one of my dear friends, I set out on the path of freelance writing. I started out at a seedy freelance site, full of low paying jobs…along the lines of $1 or less for 500 words. Insanity. However, shortly after that experience, I found a few more reputable sites, and have been working for them since. I do mainly academic and research article writing, which allows me to learn while perfecting my writing and formatting skills.

       Sure, some clients may be more picky and critical than others, but freelance writing has it’s perks too. While I am not “getting rich” off of it, I am able to maintain an income that is sufficient and not have to put up with the BS involved in other jobs. It also gives me a bit of freedom with my time…which will come in handy.

       The ability to work remotely, in combination with my school being online (finished my first year of grad school with a 3.9 GPA), will be useful, as it looks like there may be a move in store for me, to an unlikely location, and for an unlikely reason.

       You know those times when the events may defy any logical reasoning, yet feel “right?” Yeah, that’s what it’s like. Someone who knows about my past, my mental struggles, and is one of my biggest cheerleaders…not to mention kind, creative, understanding, and pretty cute…has come into my life, and I would be a fool to pass up the opportunity. If he were someone else, his words and actions may send me running, searching for the nearest padded room. However, such is not the case

       So, it’s been an interesting year. Oh, and there might very well be an end to my “dry spell” which has lasted much longer than I would have thought. 

Need is a Four Letter Word

I have valued my ability to be self-sufficient for a good part of my adult life. In my warped mind, to need someone (or something in the case of my addict history), was akin to admitting one was weak. Being unable to meet my own needs, be it emotionally, physically, or monetarily, was something that I did not want to experience, as it would mean that I was insufficient, lacking.

However, such an independence, while it may have its benefits, is not without its drawbacks. It allows the comfort of my wall to become reinforced, for why would there need to be a drawbridge to cross the moat of fear, if there was no reason to let anyone through?

Shall this change? I am afraid it already has, and it both scares and comforts me. Having someone say (and actually mean it) that they want to understand me, help me through my mental battles, and not judge me for the past I have lived...I’m not sure if he is in his right mind...but I’m willing to find out. 

Another Experience to Add to my Life

Well, this weekend brought about another first for me…and I have learned from it too. I signed up through a temp agency to work at a “big box store” in a warehouse, working in the inbound department. What I did was basically sort and label boxes of things. On my feet for 12 hours, walking on concrete, unpacking pallets of boxes that came into the warehouse, throwing (literally) the boxes onto a conveyor belt, then for those items that did not have a “conveyable” sticker, I had to unroll the SKU and routing stickers, placing them on each package.

About halfway through the day, my body wanted to quit on me. There was mental fatigue as well as physical. I think the mental fatigue occurred due to so many ineffective methods being used and trying to make sense of it, which seemed to be illogical. And while I enjoy physical activity, I am not sure my back (with degenerative discs) would hold up for an extended period of time, sorting and throwing boxes that weighed between 20 and 60 pounds for about 34 hours per week.

I also didn’t like being cut off from the rest of the world, as I was not allowed to bring my cell phone with me onto the warehouse floor. It’s not that I would be busy texting or on Twitter, but I rather enjoy reading the news and knowing what’s going on. I also enjoy using my brain rather than relying on my body, especially if I can think of a better way to do something.

I realized after the first day that the job was not for me. I enjoy writing and research, as well as feeling that I have accomplished something at the end of the day. I didn’t get that feeling working at the warehouse. I do however, get that feeling when I write. Sure, there’s a bit of stress involved when you have to rely on yourself and the possibility that clients will need help on assignments and projects, but I find that to be a stress I can handle. I like the freedom it allows too. My writing jobs continue to roll in, and while I may not be able to become rich off of it right now, I enjoy it and it pays enough to address my needs.