I
have valued my ability to be self-sufficient for a good part of my adult life.
In my warped mind, to need someone (or something in the case of my addict
history), was akin to admitting one was weak. Being unable to meet my own
needs, be it emotionally, physically, or monetarily, was something that I did
not want to experience, as it would mean that I was insufficient, lacking.
However,
such an independence, while it may have its benefits, is not without its
drawbacks. It allows the comfort of my wall to become reinforced, for why would
there need to be a drawbridge to cross the moat of fear, if there was no reason
to let anyone through?
Shall
this change? I am afraid it already has, and it both scares and comforts me.
Having someone say (and actually mean it) that they want to understand me, help
me through my mental battles, and not judge me for the past I have lived...I’m
not sure if he is in his right mind...but I’m willing to find out.
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