Does anyone ever feel completely comfortable in his or her own skin? I sometimes ponder this question, for after all these years living within my own protective barrier, am I slowly becoming less uncomfortable.
I have never felt sexy or pretty. I do not have an ample bosom, tiny waist or long hair…or any of the other things society dictates as desirable and sexy. I remember as a kid, not even to that awkward stage (which I firmly believe is a lifelong thing for me) in life yet, feeling that people were looking at me strange. Sort of like they do at the carnival sideshows of yesteryear.
“Oh, look at that freak!” That is what I heard in my head. No idea why or where it came from, but it often rumbles back to life inside the confines of my mind. Perhaps that is why I have pushed myself in academics. As if to make up for the freak show that I saw in the mirror. Even when people would pay me compliments, I would quickly dismiss them and look for any ulterior motive the person may have.
After over 3 decades within this flesh of mine, I am slowly coming to terms with it. As I push my body to do things that many would not attempt, seeing how it reacts to changes and program tweaks, I am starting to respect the very thing I used to loathe.
Will I ever be completely comfortable with who I am and what I look like? I would not hold my breath.
