Steady in a Centrifuge

Yes, it has been a while since my last blog post, but life has a funny way of taking up time. Well, if it wasn't taking up time, I'd be dead. If by such a theory, then if life didn't take up time, am I writing this from beyond the living realm? Perhaps.

School is starting back up this week, and I find myself surrounded by nitwits...again. I often think I am a magnet for such individuals. I also have to attend a residency later this month, which will be a challenge. Not the topic, but rather the interaction I will be required to do with such twats. At least it will be more tolerable, as I have a reason to resist killing or flogging my classmates (or at least to be crafty enough to not get caught).

I made the trek successfully from Oregon to Texas, and am settling in nicely. I have never felt so supported, understood, and appreciated as I do here, which I feel fortunate (and sometimes not worthy). We have our happy, albeit dysfunctional, dog family, who aside from the occasional barking match, get along well. 

Work is picking up again, as just this week alone I have five projects due. It's nice to get back into my routine, as that is how I thrive the most. Some are able to tap into their creativity anywhere and anytime, but that is not my style. In order to write, I need a clear desk, some good audio entertainment to please my ears and stimulate my brain (usually BBC Radio 4, music, or even a Greg Proops podcast...aka "Proopcast"). Some good coffee and a snack are good additions too. By "good coffee," I don't mean some overpriced, over-commercialized trendy brew, but rather a quality bean, freshly ground, and brewed at home in my French press. It is so much better than drip coffee, and not as pretentious as "Starfucks."

Sometimes I think I am just going to school to obtain a piece of paper that will give my writing more credence, as I am not really a "people person," and have zero tolerance for potential clients who either complain about piddly crap or are stuck in the victim role (and happy there). I may be too harsh of a counselor for some clients.

Okay, back to work. Oh, and for any freelance writers out there in the blogosphere, I can recommend the Samsung Chromebook. While I still need to keep my old laptop for a few things (Grammar checking, language translation, and printing), it works well for my needs. It works fast, doesn't make my hands sweat by the heat that accompanies most laptops, and I don't have to worry about losing my work.

So, this is 36?

       So, this day last year, I wrote a blog post to reflect upon the past 35 years. Figured I would do the same, to reflect upon the last year, and a glimpse at what the future might bring. I still can’t believe that I am 36 years old as of today. Where has the time gone? Sure, about half of it was spent drooling and throwing up…all part of recovery ;-)

       Since this time last year, I have left a job that I had worked up to management assistant. Although it had potential, it also had become a very unsafe work environment, as clients were continually escalated, damaging property and ending up in jail. Oh, and one had made credible death threats against me, prompting the client’s counselor to make appropriate notifications. It’s good that the Tarasoff safety measures were employed, but uncomfortable at the same time, as my boss had kept me on, working at the house for 40 hours a week, even after that threat. Awesome (extreme sarcasm).

       I was able to save up a decent amount from that job, and combined with my military benefits I realized that I didn’t have to work until at least September. While I did go on a few interviews, and even received a couple of job offers, none of them felt “right.”

       Then I figured out why they didn’t feel “right.” With the support (and some prodding) of one of my dear friends, I set out on the path of freelance writing. I started out at a seedy freelance site, full of low paying jobs…along the lines of $1 or less for 500 words. Insanity. However, shortly after that experience, I found a few more reputable sites, and have been working for them since. I do mainly academic and research article writing, which allows me to learn while perfecting my writing and formatting skills.

       Sure, some clients may be more picky and critical than others, but freelance writing has it’s perks too. While I am not “getting rich” off of it, I am able to maintain an income that is sufficient and not have to put up with the BS involved in other jobs. It also gives me a bit of freedom with my time…which will come in handy.

       The ability to work remotely, in combination with my school being online (finished my first year of grad school with a 3.9 GPA), will be useful, as it looks like there may be a move in store for me, to an unlikely location, and for an unlikely reason.

       You know those times when the events may defy any logical reasoning, yet feel “right?” Yeah, that’s what it’s like. Someone who knows about my past, my mental struggles, and is one of my biggest cheerleaders…not to mention kind, creative, understanding, and pretty cute…has come into my life, and I would be a fool to pass up the opportunity. If he were someone else, his words and actions may send me running, searching for the nearest padded room. However, such is not the case

       So, it’s been an interesting year. Oh, and there might very well be an end to my “dry spell” which has lasted much longer than I would have thought. 

Another Experience to Add to my Life

Well, this weekend brought about another first for me…and I have learned from it too. I signed up through a temp agency to work at a “big box store” in a warehouse, working in the inbound department. What I did was basically sort and label boxes of things. On my feet for 12 hours, walking on concrete, unpacking pallets of boxes that came into the warehouse, throwing (literally) the boxes onto a conveyor belt, then for those items that did not have a “conveyable” sticker, I had to unroll the SKU and routing stickers, placing them on each package.

About halfway through the day, my body wanted to quit on me. There was mental fatigue as well as physical. I think the mental fatigue occurred due to so many ineffective methods being used and trying to make sense of it, which seemed to be illogical. And while I enjoy physical activity, I am not sure my back (with degenerative discs) would hold up for an extended period of time, sorting and throwing boxes that weighed between 20 and 60 pounds for about 34 hours per week.

I also didn’t like being cut off from the rest of the world, as I was not allowed to bring my cell phone with me onto the warehouse floor. It’s not that I would be busy texting or on Twitter, but I rather enjoy reading the news and knowing what’s going on. I also enjoy using my brain rather than relying on my body, especially if I can think of a better way to do something.

I realized after the first day that the job was not for me. I enjoy writing and research, as well as feeling that I have accomplished something at the end of the day. I didn’t get that feeling working at the warehouse. I do however, get that feeling when I write. Sure, there’s a bit of stress involved when you have to rely on yourself and the possibility that clients will need help on assignments and projects, but I find that to be a stress I can handle. I like the freedom it allows too. My writing jobs continue to roll in, and while I may not be able to become rich off of it right now, I enjoy it and it pays enough to address my needs.

I can’t, I won’t, and ethics

I consider myself an ethical person so perhaps that is what brought me to the decision I made this week. I had offered my skills as a writer to an individual I found through an online freelance site. I worked for them for about a week, writing a variety of papers for their clients. However, I continued to have this nagging pain, which seemed to be emanating from deep inside, from where I imagine my soul would reside. 

I attempted to push that worry aside, but it kept festering and infecting my thoughts, just like the heartbeat famous in Edgar Allan Poe’s The Tell-Tale Heart. I tried to rationalize my actions, focusing on the fact that I was being paid to do something that I loved…research and academic writing. However, no matter how much I focused on that aspect, I felt the guilt suffocating me, like a scarf that was cinching down upon my windpipe. 

To make matters worse, the works that I had put many hours into researching and writing, were being critiqued by the customers, who themselves had horrid grammar, spelling, and punctuation. How could some rich brat of a kid criticize my work? The work that they themselves wouldn't even attempt? When I saw the replies to my submissions, I became furious and decided that I could not continue.

Perhaps it is because I would never think of paying someone to write something that I would then attach my name on, passing it off as my own work. When it boils down to it, I was helping an anonymous individual commit the academic crime of plagiarism, which I do not condone. Education is something that should be praised and enjoyed, for it is a lifelong process, not something that you pay someone else to do for you. 

Some of the assignments were for introductory courses in a community college. If students are buying papers in the beginning of their post-high school education, perhaps they need to reexamine their plan. Some companies charge upwards of $20 per page, depending on level of expertise and time constraints, and the sad thing…they are able to remain in business, as students are still willing to pay. I even helped to edit a thesis on turbojet engines. Granted, that was a bit of an easier job, and a necessary one, but it was based on the actual work of the student, rather than just a figment of the farmed out writer’s imagination. 

As the new quarter is about to start, finishing up my first year of graduate school, I wonder how many of my fellow students, both past and present, use such services. I'd rather earn a failing grade, than buy my way through life. Fortunately, I am able to maintain a near perfect grade point average and take pride in my work. When people buy papers, they really are just cheating themselves. 

#DoWorkDontCheat