Showing posts with label fireworks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fireworks. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Fireworks and PTSD

As the fireworks light up the sky, millions of people gazing upwards towards the beauty. However, while watching fireworks may be a tradition enjoyed by generations of families, there is another side of this event that strikes fear into both animals and people. Imagine getting the feelings associated with fight or flight every time a firework is launched into the air or makes loud sonic booms. That is my life. However, it was not always like this, as I recall watching the performances put on by the local government in the Bay Area, as well as in New York, where I watched the lights from aboard a 41 foot Coast Guard small boat, with the lights illuminating the sky around the Statue of Liberty. But that is not my reality now.

Image result for fireworks new york coast guard
I think I can trace my switch in attitude regarding fireworks to 9/11. You see, I was stationed in Boston at the time of the attacks, and still remember working in Aux I space of a 270 foot cutter (I was a machinery technician in my previous life), when someone lowered the hatch on the space I was working. This was due to the threat of imminent attack due to our proximity. I hurried through the scuttle opening, making my way to the mess deck where the images of New York filled the large projection TV. As we made our way back to our shop (I was part of the Naval Engineering Support Unit), I decided that I would tell my chief that if they needed anyone, I wanted to go to New York. Not long after that, I was on my way, along with a handful of guys I was stationed with, to New York. Nobody knew exactly what the process was going to be or where we would be working. That was an experience that I will never forget.

Image result for 9/11/01 new york coast guard

The huge booms that accompany fireworks trigger the part of my brain where I either need to go find the source, or run like hell. Hence the term “fight or flight.” This is my reality. Loud sounds, including backfires from cars, if someone drops something and it makes a loud sound, and, yes, fireworks. Although I have never been screened for or diagnosed with PTSD, I am quite familiar with the symptoms, both from my personal experiences, as well as from the work I have done in my graduate studies on the topic. 

Related image
Although I have worked on it, I am in the fight or flight mode much of the time. This is tiring and the excessive adrenaline that has no outlet is exhausting. Combine this with my chronic pain condition and other issues (there’s a long list, but I am currently rated at 30% disability through the military), and it truly wreaks havoc on my body and mind. See, this is what a sizable segment of the population feels when people light off the fireworks they buy from those tents that seem to show up each year around New Year’s and the 4th of July a week or two before these holidays. That means that for four weeks out of the year (1/12th of the year), there are fireworks going off sporadically, triggering an even higher level of anxiety. It’s fucking exhausting.

I dislike fireworks because no one thinks of the people suffering from PTSD nor do they think of pets being scared and running away.
It is not just people, like me, who are affected by these events, but animals as well. Our dogs get anxious, which, in turn, increases my anxiety. Fireworks can also trigger panic in wildlife, such as birds and squirrels. This can lead to the mothers abandoning their children and causing them to become too disoriented to return to their babies. Squirrels, small mammals, birds, bees, and butterflies have also been observed to display behavior that is detrimental to their health and life due to these fireworks. Additionally, when people don’t clean up their messes after they light off fireworks, it can cause death in animals due to ingesting the debris.
Image result for environmental impact of fireworks
This morning, after getting restless sleep due to the sporadic fireworks going off, I got up and started our dog walks, which consists of about 3.5 miles. I knew from previous holidays, particularly Halloween, the people in my area are slobs. So, being armed with this knowledge, I set out on our first walk with a garbage bag in hand, as well as the leash. By the time I got back home, it was full. No, not just full, but overflowing. That was just one walk. On the second walk, I picked up even more debris and reunited two wayward dogs with their sad excuse of a person. If I return your dogs, save your “I’m sorry” aimed at me, as you really need to apologize to your dogs for being such a horrible, thoughtless person, especially when I find out that this was the second time today that the dogs escaped and they are not wearing collars.

So, in short, be considerate. Don’t be a dick. Pick up after yourself. Have some compassion and empathy, as people, such as your neighbors, might be fighting an internal battle that they try to hide so well.

Image result for marijuana for ptsd

Pardon me, I have to go and medicate myself now. #puffpuffpass


Thursday, June 22, 2017

First World Problem, But it Sucks!

Okay, so I know that this may come across as one of those “First World Problems” such as getting the wrong order at Starfucks or getting your earbud cord tangled. However, that being said, today’s issue has led to a severe impact in my daily life. This morning as I was walking one of our dogs, an untethered dog came running towards us. In an effort to protect my dog from the loose one, my phone fell out of my pocket. So, let me preface this with the fact that I have never cracked a screen on a phone or tablet. However, this morning, when I picked up my phone after it falling, face down, of course, I noticed it had two cracks. Fuck. Even more fuck? The touch screen stopped working. I could see that I had notifications, but I was unable to respond to them.
Image result for first world problems

This is where this issue turns from a “First World Problem” to a real problem. As a freelance writer and a remote employee for my university’s library system, I rely on my phone as a way to maintain communication with my clients and the professors who I assist as the library resource assistant. Without being able to communicate with them, it can cost me jobs, which, in turn, can affect my daily living abilities.
Image result for freelance writer
I have had this phone since 2015, so it has been with me a while. Luckily, my boyfriend was able to lend me his phone while we purchased him a $35 phone to use for the time being. As a graduate student and freelance writer, my income varies. Having to come up with money to buy a new phone, pay bills, rent, food for us and the dogs, utilities...it all adds up. It also sucks that I have to pay close to $350 this month to my school since they changed the drop deadline when I was enrolled in a course I wasn’t required to take and another fee when I had to reschedule my residency week due to poor health (fibromyalgia can be unpredictable). So, while I have the money, I don’t really have it.
Image result for school loans
I really like the Moto interface and the accessibility options, particularly the approach feature that allows me to see my notifications without having to physically touch the phone. I know I am spoiled. I try that with my other electronics, but it doesn’t work (LOL). I don’t know. It’s just been a stressful day, which piggybacked on a stressful night, as some dolt was lighting off fireworks last night. It’s June. It’s illegal. It’s inconsiderate. Don’t be a dolt. I am already dreading the first week of July, as last year it was nearly intolerable with the fireworks shooting off, but that is for another post.
Image result for fireworks ptsd
I think I will look for estimates to repair my 2015 Moto X Pure, as well as save up for the upcoming Moto X4, which should be released within the next month or two. I guess it is a good thing that my birthday is next month. Any money I receive will be going towards my school loans and a new phone. Not exactly what I wanted to happen, but at least there is a way to remedy the situation. The hardest part about breaking my phone was the fact that I am HORRIBLE at remembering things such as passwords and user IDs.
Image result for brain fog

Hopefully tomorrow is better!